Letter to a Friend Who Still Suffers
I wish I could speak to you in person, but that’s not possible. instead, I’m writing to share with you some thoughts I have, about what I see in your eyes, hear in your voice, and see in your actions.
i can see that you are suffering. you are overwhelmed with the life you have. even though on the outside, everyone thinks your life is perfect: you have fame, fortune, respect, and power–for whatever reasons, and these vary day-to-day, you feel powerless over your life circumstances. i, and many, can clearly see that you are miserable. perhaps no one has the nerve to speak to you about your cry-for-help in the guise of drunkenness. yes, we all know you need to relax after your very important, responsible life, and need to feel comfortable with others, to socialize, to laugh, to party, to get out of your burdens (as you describe your oh-so-privileged life)–and as a result you have become a drunk. and maybe you’re abusing prescription drugs, too, who knows?
how can i say this, you ask. how DARE i say this to you? But I’ve just found out you’ve been diagnosed with a really awful disease, and I’m sorry. I wish you had read this letter sooner. Maybe my words will help someone else even if they couldn’t reach you in time.
because i recognize my old-self in you. your behavior is exactly the way i used to be (without the fame, fortune and power bit) before i finally reached the end of my tether, and had to make a decision to turn my life around, to stop drinking and drugging myself to death, or i sincerely would die. perhaps i was doomed if i didn’t stop. you are doomed, also, dear friend, if you don’t make a change. this is a plea for you to stop killing yourself, stop darkening your Light, with booze.
the day came when i finally realized drinking was killing me, and drugging only made things worse. i acted the same as i see you acting, friend, when we spent time together the other day.
i don’t have to call you by name: you know who you are.
i send you this message of hope. living in the Light of making good choices awaits you. all you have to do, and this is a promise, ALL you have to do is stop putting mood-altering drugs and drink in your body and all problems, all insecurities, all unhappinesses–will resolve themselves.
i’m not saying it’s going to be easy. change is tought. and i certainly couldn’t do it alone. and you probably won’t be able to either. i went to “the rooms” of AA for help. i understand that someone in “your position” can’t do that as easily as someone who isn’t as well-known, as you are. but–famous people do come into the rooms. they sometimes meet in special-interest groups. for instance, in hollywood, there is AA for celebrities; and in other communities, there are groups that meet in people’s livingrooms for more vulnerably public people, such as doctors, lawyers, actors, entertainers, and in your case–successful and important business leaders.
AAs principles is “the lifeboat” that will save you from deadly addiction, my friend. AA’s principles of spiritual recovery is the only answer. sure, you can stop drinking on your own, but you won’t gain the spiritual maturity, the emotional healing, the mental clarity and joyous uplifting that the 12 Steps of recovery AA offers, that is the core of the AA addiction-recovery program.
so…if i were next to you right now, and saying this personally to you, i’d offer to help you by saying the first thing said to anyone coming into AA:
DON’T DRINK. just for today, just don’t drink (or drug).
keep coming back.
if you want to drink, call an AA, or get to a meeting.
if you want to feel sorry for yourself, and swim in the pity pot, go to a meeting or call an AA.
if you want to check out and kill yourself–please get your butt to a hospital ASAP–but don’t drink!
that’s the most important thing: don’t drink or drug, no matter if your ass falls off. everything will sort itself, with time, if you just don’t drink (or drug). don’t “feed” your addiction. it’s like a dragon that lives inside you, and when you “feed” it…it activiates the dragon, and believe me, that fucking dragon WANTS YOU DEAD!!! addiction is deadly.
the other thing i want to relate to you, is that the life we create is all our own choice.
for me, i’d chosen to drink and drug instead of dealing with painful feelings, improbable situations that arose, and keep arising in life. sound familiar? all addicts want to check out on their feelings. feelings are too painful, at first, but after some time in recovery, with the help of emotional and spiritual recovery (what we learn in AA), we start to see that all life situations are just–life. and life–well, life is hard, as Scott Peck says in the very first sentence of “The Road Less Traveled.” But…as long as you know life is hard, you can have fun while with this difficult thing called life, and even experience the “magic” of life, the “mystery” of being “in the flow”…as long as one keeps, shall we say, “to the program.”
the natural state we humans experience life, on our own, without chemicals to alter our moods or situations, can be paradise on earth–or our own hell. the choice is ours.
i wish i were sitting right next to you. there’s so much i could share about how my life turned around when i decided to choose Life, and living in the Light of Goodness, instead of wallowing around in the Dark of self-pity, which is the impoetus of addiction, alcoholism, depression, and all other negative mental tendencies.
everything changes. the only constant in life is–change! the only other constant in life is a relationship with a Higher Power.
you Higher Power is in charge of life, my friend, your life, my life–this entire Universe. the most we can do is to put ourselves in synch with this concept of an intelligence that influences all things, all people, all situations, and to not resist it, not try to counter it by numbing our feelings, pumping booze, pills, or powder into our systems. by learning to live in synch with our Higher Power, we choose to live in the Light. it’s that simple.
don’t drink. develop an intimate relationship with a Higher Power.
Please know that i love you, truly, and am here to help you make the shift from allowing the dark side of life to rule your Spirit, and choose instead to embrace the concept of living in the Light. again, like you did as a child, walk with your Higher Power as your guide, as your protector. if i could, i’d take you by the hand and show you how i learned to do it. instead i’ll just write…i did it by going to AA, getting a sponsor, a “guide,” someone who has gone this route of spiritual recovery, and could share with me just how to do it.
please, dear friend, stop anesthetizing your superb, human consciousness. i’m not even addressing how silly you look, being drunk so inappropriate soppy, slurring your words, saying stupid things, making everyone pity you because you’re so obviously unhappily drunk–all the time, i’m told.
i’ve written this to my anonymous friend and put it here on my blog, in hopes you will read it one day. if not, i’ve sent the message out into the energy-web that we all are a part of. you are my beloved, i am your beloved, we are ONE.
with great respect and great love, and great hope for your imminent change–made by you, for you–a healthy choice, my friend!