Sink or Swim — a Laughing Heart!

twenty first century Lord FleaHi friends,

This snap above is of me ten years ago playing a character, the mythical Woods Nymph in my consort’s eco-film, “Lithium Springs” ( Happy and fulfilled, yet surrounded by complexities of self-searching, raising family and oh what else, oh yeah, the career that never got going. Life. Yet somehow I managed to survive that more hauntingly tormented earlier stage of my life, which is now fodder for the books I’m writing. How lucky am I? To own a research engine in my own memory banks! I’m fortunate to have survived all the crisis and catastrophes I have, fortunate to have had the yogic discipline drummed into me (self-practice) because I learned to stick around and grow mostly by my daily sun salutes and headstands. I’m lucky I chose to do the inner work (meditative explorations) all of us are called upon to do, in our human journey here, together, enough to at least enjoy most every minute of life (some I simply tolerate and have learned to accept). Even when it gets so difficult the “old me” (before self-discipline saved my ass!) would have just run off, hopped on a sailboat, found a new island, a new identity, a new everything to hide behind. And most likely would have gotten good and stoned to blot out anything else that didn’t get taken care of by my chronic gypsying, vagabonding and escapism.

Sitting down at my computer today, at first I thought I’d write today about the simplest thing I could imagine. My “real life” has been a virtual “shit storm” and I don’t much care for bloggers who use the public’s ear to whine. You’ll not get too much about what’s happening in my “real life” here, right? Those of you who’ve enjoyed Lord Flea over the years know I like to muse about things that give me inspiration, and hopefully I can impart some of that to you. That’s the purpose of this blog. “To Sing Together!”

So today I was going to share about how I enjoy the day, each day, even when I’m in the midst of my trials and tribulations, hurrying for a deadline, or rushing here and there to fulfill obligations. In between all that, I sneak moments of deep respite. Mini-meditations that sometimes only last a minute or two. So today I was going to  create a word and image setting of how it is to, say, sit under a shady tree (even if it’s in my mind’s eye) and watch the clouds roll by. Or enjoy the luminescence of a full moon as the sky sparkles its silvery glory. This is what I hope to be doing the rest of today and tonight, either for real or in my imagination. Or (maybe right now if I didn’t have to do a million things and depart on a 4-day trip out of town this afternoon!) go out and swing in my hammock under the shade of our tall pines and read a favorite book (Amy Tan, Russell Banks, Herman Hesse, Louise Erdrich, Barbara Kingsolver, Tobias Wolff, TC Boyle) or explore a new adventure in another (Bruce Chatwin’s “In Patagonia”or Peter Matthiesson’s “The Snow Leopard”). The image I wanted to show you, a new one I’ve just completed for the upcoming nonfiction 3-generational saga I’m about to publish, Laughing Heart Lighthouse: how Angel Mom earned her wings, just wouldn’t upload for me. I’m a wee bit techie challenged. So, I shrugged my shoulders after a dozen tries, and hooted my “let’s try something else” way cry and here we are.



This abstract image is of a waterfall I heart-achingly cherish that’s in Dominica in the West Indies. The golden circle is a full rainbow that appeared to me (for real!) when I arrived after climbing the steep mountain, at the rocks at the base of the 100-foot waterfall called Trafalgar Falls. It was here that I spent many a spell staring at the power of water, sensing its universality, feeling its brotherhood with every cell in my being. It was here that I brought my dad’s ashes also, traveling with my mother to bring him to one of my most honored sacred spots on earth, knowing he would be transported to every part of our marvelous blue (predominantly watery) globe. So this painting will suffice for the other, ironically called “the Waterfall” that I’ll soon learn how to put up here for you to enjoy as well. Check back soon.

Meanwhile, now you see several notes that inspired the symphony that is Lord Flea, aka teZa Lord at this present moment. The Waterfall, the character shape-shifting I love to do, the face, the mood. Lastly, I’ll show you where I was before any of this became a coherent jell of the person I am today, who arts and writes simultaneously, adventuring with each breath. But before my thirties I pretty much was sure I was on a fast track to dying. When, surprising me more than anyone, I wasn’t dead by the age of 21, I went completely in shock. “Gee,” I said, “maybe I’m not as dangerous to myself as I thought I was. Or to others. Maybe there really is something I can do with this life of mine.” I started to re-think my life, and what I could do with it. This was my general state of mind when the photo below was snapped.

This photo is the raw material I started off with. Notice the “deer-in-the-headlights” look and the acne? Insecure. Scared. Sure I had not been of any use to others except to be a royal pain. And yes, of course you’re right — I was just young. Half-baked, but almost there! I must remember this when I’m dealing with the woes of our children and grandchildren now. As long as we all just keep trying, we get better, we get healthier in mind-body-spirt. Sink or Swim, a laughing heart — that’s the mantra of a happy life and important to remember! Keep it Light. Love from your pal, lordflea, teZ-ahhhhh

lordflea in her 20s

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