Inner Light by teZa Lord

These days, I’ve learned to trust my feelings. But there was a time, when I first began on the path of Self-Awareness, when I was told not to trust my feelings.

“Feelings are not facts,” I was told, by means of a warning to never trust what I felt to be true.

But this guideline was given to me because I was newly embarking on the road of living without drugs or alcohol, after many years of imbibing too much of both. Or anything else I could get my hands on to keep me from feeling the uncomfortable feelings that had set me on the path of numbing myself in the first place.

Why Do Some People Need to Numb Themselves?

For me, the pain of reality was too intense. That’s why I chose to drink and drug from my youngest teenage years. But, of course, this choice led me to crave other things that go along with numbness. Mostly, overdoses of drama, and wanting to socialize with others who were in the same boat as I, who liked, or preferred to be numb to life’s natural ways. Let’s be honest: most people in today’s world prefer to get “high” from alcohol. I also found most did in Third World countries, too, where I lived for over a decade. And, in the twenty-first century, where most governments are approaching marijuana use with laxity instead of the previous severe jail sentences … lots more people are able to get stoned without being labeled a criminal. Pot or booze, people are using intoxicants just as they have since our forebears crushed grapes and took “magic elixirs.”

Whenever there are celebrations, most of the world likes to whoop and holler and dance and frolic, and a lot of people need to relax in order to let loose like that. Thus: getting out of “ordinary” reality became as much a part of human civilization as playing games. Since earliest times, and in every culture, people have wanted to shift gears. It’s part of the so-called “Natural Mind” (Dr. Andrew Weil’s earliest book) to want to change one’s reality. Little kids do it by spinning themselves silly. Primitive cultures do it by chewing betel nuts, or vomiting, or cutting themselves, or excessive tattooing.

In today’s modern world, especially during the Covid pandemic, lots of people have upped their drinking and smoking habits. Others, like myself, have taken refuge in experiencing what has to be the Highest High there is: being natural and letting the inner light shine.

Why Do Some People Decide to Stop Numbing Themselves?

As someone who has tried both ways, numbing and being natural, I’m no longer in need of being convinced. I’m a hard-core believer in the joy of being natural. When I used to alter my emotions with substances, it was never a direct trip to happy-ville. And if I did manage to get off at that stop, it was never for very long. Because of the nature of chemistry, it’s hard to regulate the “perfect high” with any substance. Ask any user. There are always hangovers (with booze) and withdrawals (if you don’t maintain dosages) and every imaginable zigzaggy rough, nerve-wracking version of too much or too little. Who wants to spend so much time being a chemist? Who can ever figure out how much of this or that is going to give me whatever buzz I crave? But yes, I’ve run into people who enjoy this maddening chase. Do I think they’re a little crazy?

For people who rely upon substances to alter their moods, whether pills, potions or powders, it is hard to describe to them the joy of being totally substance-free. But I will give it a whirl here, because it’s a good exercise to try, with words, to describe an otherwise indescribable sensation.

Why Being Natural Is the Way for Me

Ever since I decided to change my life and go substance free, gradually, with perseverance, I have discovered a Light within myself. It’s like a beaming brilliant beacon. That shows me what to do, without my asking. That points to what I need and demonstrates how to get there. And best of all, this Light, I have learned over time, is coming directly from within me. Not outside me, and not reliant upon anything or anyone else. The Light is Pure, Simple, Never-ending. It is certainly a surprise to discover that this Light is Who and What I am.

I call this Light within, simply, Love.

For those of you who wish to know this inner Light, I invite you to listen to my “MindStillers” on SoundCloud. Start with Mindstiller #1 and listen consecutively to all 14. This is a good beginning introduction to this powerful guide within.